So, have we started?

Well I sure haven't! At least not as of tonight. I joined a 12 week program with a bunch of facebook people..and while I've been cheering everyone on their journey, I haven't even started mine. I keep putting it off, and shuffling it aside. I pretend it's all for lack of finding my eating plan, or that I don't go to bed early enough (she says as it's 1:20 in the am) , or that I just don't have the room ...equipment...motivation..determination...blah de blah de blah....

Well, seriously, I'm running out of clothing to wear. My pre-pregnancy jeans haven't fit since I gave birth, my fat jeans are loose, but not loose enough. I'm over eating, or under eating all at the same time. I can't track things, I tried the online route of putting things into a planner, but even that didn't help much. I have got to kick myself into shape. I feel horrible, look horrible, my "will power" is lacking in every aspect.

I wish you were here and we could really do this together. I mean like, I call you at 5 am to get us going, or you pull my out of my comfy little cubby hole to get us going.  Seriously, we could be dangerous together....though that could go both ways now that I think about it.  LOL

SO, procrastination must go! Fat ass MUST GO! I don't care if I turn up flabby from weight loss...I'd prefer if I could build muscle along the way to take the place of that flab, but I'm not going to complain when it starts.

So now, I head to bed...in hopes that tomorrow will bring a lot more determination!

Tomorrow I'm sending you my list of why I am doing this, and my goals broken down into bite sized bits. I think it's the only way I'm going to be able to get started. **sigh**

Where to begin!?!

Ok I've been doing a "diet" for a month now. Needless to say it's not going well. When I tune into DIET mode, I tend to over eat and really treat myself badly.

So I start tomorrow morning with another attempt at the lifestyle change. I was out grocery shopping and wished I were out running. Some strange, weird thought process over took me and I was standing in the produce aisle in some sort of health fit induced fog. My mind literally started "running" and I had this intense desire to be outside right at that very moment moving and feeling the wind in my hair. This of course might be an effect of cabin fever. We've had unnaturally warm weather here this winter and it's been far to muddy and icky to do much outside. I fear the terrible tick invasion we'll be starting back into this coming year.

So tomorrow, I plan to get up early and do some back to basic exercising. Push ups, jumping jacks, anything to get myself moving. I've taken a few zumba sessions and really love it, but can't justify $7.00 a pop or $55.00 a month for a punch card. I've been looking into purchasing some zumba dvds, but they're also expensive. Until I can start bringing in a larger amount of money, I just can't go around buying expensive exercise equipment that I can't guarantee I'll use every day, or at least twice a week. So I've put $20.00 into a little pedal set I can run while I watch tv, and have my weight sets to start building up some muscle.

As for eating, I think I'm going to have to literally pack everything the day before. If left to my own devises, I'll go almost all day long and not eat a thing and then eat well into the midnight hour trying to play catch up. I've got to go back to breaking my eating plan down and measuring things and really taking every advantage of sales on produce and the like to get myself back on track.

I keep asking myself how I did the first round so easily. I still have yet to figure that out. I lost 80 lbs on that first round and I've put 40 0f that back on! Most of that putting back on has just been mindless eating and poor choices. I've also done my metabolism no favors by not keeping the fire stoked with good foods and proper eating times and levels.

I'm fearful of going back to the endo. and dealing with medications so I must kick this whole thing into gear and lose that 40 plus. There are so many reason I need to commit to this whole process, but can't break through that glassine window and go cold turkey as easy as before. I'm becoming very frustrated and a bit crazy about it.

This post has basically just been a dumping of my brain so I can slip into sleep a bit better tonight. If I'm going to change up my routine tomorrow I really need to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, not two hours after I turn in for the night.

**sigh** this will get better.

My New Commitment

I am starting tomorrow to do my lifestyle change. I'm not calling it a diet because I know that it doesn't feel that way. When I did this three or 4 years ago I dropped 80 lbs in a year and felt FANTASTIC! I've since put half of that weight back on. I've been promising myself for almost six months to get back on track and now is the time. No whining, no complaining, no excuses about being too busy, or too tired, or too anything.

I got this eating plan from the Diabetic Management Center from Butler Hospitals, if anyone would like to check this eating plan out, let me know and I'll see if I can get you a copy.

I got a pre-diabetes diagnosis in 2007 and after much fear, tears, and wondering what my future would hold, I decided that diabetes wasn't going to win. It wasn't going to beat me and I would win! So I buckled down and became a food nazi for myself. I wasn't the kind of crazy,food obsessive, freak who would berate other people for eating bad things, I just knew I couldn't do it anymore. I knew that I needed to be as strict as possible for my own health and well being.

Before I even met with a CDE I had gone on the internet and tried to educate myself as much as possible about "my condition" I went to the diabetic education classes well armed with knowledge and a few questions. It was there I got this diet and an idea of how I was going to have to really change my life.

So, I checked my blood sugars, ate well, made sure I got in a bit of exercise and by the end of a year I was 80 lbs thinner, with a much higher exercise rate (which isn't surprising since I was a couch potato)

Jump to 2009, a very long year of dealing with my ailing mother in law and her final days of stage 4 lung cancer in early November and I was lost. We then found out in December that we were expecting. A thrilling surprise, but scary with my diabetes diagnosis two years before. I was now a high risk pregnancy. I was put on insulin, and had to be even more strict with my eating plans and exercise.

Unfortunately after the birth of my son, I stupidly decided I deserved a break from it all. After being so incredibly controlled and well monitored, I took a flying swan dive right off the wagon and landed with a big face plant.

I've now put on 40lbs of the 80 I lost (perhaps slightly less...but I'm counting it a straight 40) and I feel ick. Not as bad as before mind you, just out of control and incredibly silly and dumb for allowing myself to be so incredibly irresponsible. My sugars aren't great, they're not BAD, but not where I'd like them to be. I worry I'll be needing meds if I don't soon start correcting myself. I'm sure meds are in my future at some point, but I'd like to keep them at bay for as long as humanly possible! I have done the whole joyous insulin game, and I'd like to avoid that even more than meds.

So there you have it, that's where I stand in my current journey. I am putting my foot down and deciding once again that I'm going to be the victor in this battle! From here onward, my goal is to lose this 40 I've put on, and then add to that loss total. I want to be healthy and be around a long time for my son! I want to be able to play in the backyard and not feel like a lopping elephant with a heart made of lead.

We're working on rewards for goals met!

We're working on getting a list of rewards for the small, medium and large goals we meet on this journey. We've both realized that we want to reward ourselves with food (BAD!) and need to find replacements for this habit. So we're figuring out what we'd be really excited to have as rewards for ourselves. We've always talked about our Final Goal Reached reward as being a cruise or time spent on the beach. I think we're both still set on that idea. We're both extremely attached to the beach and water, so this would be fitting. Not to mention the fact that it would be a nice opportunity to strengthen our already strong friendship. So we'll be checking in with our first draft of our goals list in a few days.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

~MARIA ROBINSON

Burpees...my latest Frienemy.

I've started a burpee routine. Ok, so they're modified, but I"m FAT, so I'm allowed to do modified burpees. Thankfully my sister has been ever so gracious to be my accountability partner. Three days in and I'm sore and tired. My goal in the next week is to up my burpee run to twice a day. I do it now at night, but I need to get it going a bit more. I'm thinking Saturday will be my rest day. I'm also going to start looking into some yoga videos. I'm hoping that I can start stretching out these tight muscles. I'm so tight, that I think my right shoulder is pulling my head off my spinal column.

I'm starting to track my weight again, and should probably start tracking my bg levels too. After the birth last year I fell off the proper eating plan wagon HARD! So hard, that I apparently bumped my head and forgot how I did the diet in the first place. I've got the eating plan, I just have to get onto it and be crazy strict with myself. I fell into it so easily when I started before. Losing my 80 pounds was "easy". I now however find myself stress eating, missing meals, and just not eating at all some days. BAD BAD BAD! I refuse to let this beat me again. I'm getting S E R I O U S... well...I've got a goal to get serious. I keep saying " today's the day" and then never follow through.

WELL TODAY'S THE DAY!!

Breaking in the new blog

Hiya, I'm Chel. I'm one half of the "Two Losing Friends". I'm a new mom, crazy eater, pre-diabetic, overly stressed, under slept mess. My imaginary weight loss goal would be 130 lbs... my REALISTIC goal is 90. My imaginary goal is so far off the mark, that I didn't even weight that little in high school. I really just want to get healthy, perhaps be less fearful of the diabetic creep up.

After my pre-diabetic diagnosis three years ago I took the diagnosis very seriously and locked into a diabetic diet. After a year I had lost nearly 80 pounds and felt great. Following that major success in my life I hit a few life snags that got in the way. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed away and we found out that we were expecting all within a few months. Sad and happy combined into an extremely stressful time.

So our little bundle of joy was born nearly a year ago. He's amazing and making my life WONDERFUL! I unfortunately have been eating really poorly and very scattered since he was born. With the pre-diabetes, I of course ended up with gestational diabetes. I had to be extremely vigilant about my eating and was on insulin through my entire pregnancy. After all that stringent strict eating, I went totally the opposite direction! I'm now paying for it in a major weight gain. I've not gained back all I lost, but I'm getting closer with every poor eating choice I make.

I'm now making a conscious effort to change this and steer myself in the right direction once again. I'm finding it a struggle to balance my day with baby with the diet I so easily took on a few short years ago. I don't know why I find it so hard.

TOMORROW IS THE BEGINNING FOR ME! I cannot let it go on any longer. Tonight I remembered one of my tricks from when I was on the eating plan awhile ago. I tend to eat like mad at night and I think it's just from trying to get rid or change the taste in my mouth. I've got to go back to brushing my teeth right after dinner. That's a good place to start I think. A simple change that will save quite a bit of caloric intake. I'll work on that while I review the eating plan again and give that a week. I need to take in more water too.