Ok I've been doing a "diet" for a month now. Needless to say it's not going well. When I tune into DIET mode, I tend to over eat and really treat myself badly.
So I start tomorrow morning with another attempt at the lifestyle change. I was out grocery shopping and wished I were out running. Some strange, weird thought process over took me and I was standing in the produce aisle in some sort of health fit induced fog. My mind literally started "running" and I had this intense desire to be outside right at that very moment moving and feeling the wind in my hair. This of course might be an effect of cabin fever. We've had unnaturally warm weather here this winter and it's been far to muddy and icky to do much outside. I fear the terrible tick invasion we'll be starting back into this coming year.
So tomorrow, I plan to get up early and do some back to basic exercising. Push ups, jumping jacks, anything to get myself moving. I've taken a few zumba sessions and really love it, but can't justify $7.00 a pop or $55.00 a month for a punch card. I've been looking into purchasing some zumba dvds, but they're also expensive. Until I can start bringing in a larger amount of money, I just can't go around buying expensive exercise equipment that I can't guarantee I'll use every day, or at least twice a week. So I've put $20.00 into a little pedal set I can run while I watch tv, and have my weight sets to start building up some muscle.
As for eating, I think I'm going to have to literally pack everything the day before. If left to my own devises, I'll go almost all day long and not eat a thing and then eat well into the midnight hour trying to play catch up. I've got to go back to breaking my eating plan down and measuring things and really taking every advantage of sales on produce and the like to get myself back on track.
I keep asking myself how I did the first round so easily. I still have yet to figure that out. I lost 80 lbs on that first round and I've put 40 0f that back on! Most of that putting back on has just been mindless eating and poor choices. I've also done my metabolism no favors by not keeping the fire stoked with good foods and proper eating times and levels.
I'm fearful of going back to the endo. and dealing with medications so I must kick this whole thing into gear and lose that 40 plus. There are so many reason I need to commit to this whole process, but can't break through that glassine window and go cold turkey as easy as before. I'm becoming very frustrated and a bit crazy about it.
This post has basically just been a dumping of my brain so I can slip into sleep a bit better tonight. If I'm going to change up my routine tomorrow I really need to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, not two hours after I turn in for the night.
**sigh** this will get better.
